It was right here. I swear. I left my apple right here and now it is gone. I made sure to put a napkin underneath it so that the germs that hide on my desk don't merge with my delicious snack. It was a Honeycrisp. Those babies cost 2.99 a pound and are only in season for like a month. September... and a little bit of October but the October Honeycrisps don't really taste as good as the late September Honeycrisp.
So I guess I have to blame Otto (the guy who sits in the cube to my left). He's always talked about never having a Honeycrisp and always wanting to try one but never being able to allow himself to pay that kind of money for a piece of fruit. He supports McCain and loves Palin. Which makes sense because he's stupid. The dick doesn't even hunt and I bet if he did he wouldn't know how to skin or prepare any of the meat he killed. He would probably shoot a deer (on accident of course) and then just leave it there because he doesn't want to get his stupid car dirty. I hate cars. And I hate Otto: the Honeycrisp stealing, Sarah Palin Supporting, dickbag.
I think I'm going to confront him. I'll go right up to him and say, "Hey dick. Where's my Honeycrisp?Or did you spooge all over it when you were masturbating to those fake Palin pictures of her in that ugly apartment with the polyester skirt." And who the fuck thinks polyester skirts are sexy? Maybe when I was in Junior High and Mrs. Tattlebaum used to rock them but now... come the fuck on. If I ever saw some chick rocking that I would totally be like, what? Why are you rocking that shit? Don't you know it's 99 degrees today. Stupid bitch.
I just want my Honeycrisp back and everything will be cool.
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2 comments:
I have to say, that's a good apple!
How 'bout them apples? The word, revenge, comes to mind. Steal Otto's wallet and after you cover it with Obama stickers, throw it at his face and say, "applesauce, bitch". That'll teach him.
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